Saint Valentine’s Day, just like Halloween, is becoming more and more of a community event in Ireland. ‘Valentine’s’ isn’t just for young lovers anymore – it’s as if everybody wants a slice of the action. I was out and about in town on 14th February and it came as a surprise as to the number of people who wished me a ‘Happy Valentine’s Day.’ Or could that just be me, Gorls?
The papers were full of love stories of how couples were still head over heels in love after so many years, and on one page there was a chain of 14 entwined blood-red hearts. I don’t wish to come across as unromantic here, but in the interests of accuracy, this column has to point out that this red heart depicting romance bears no resemblance to the little grizzly blob that beats in the human chest.
Our radio stations were trying to outdo each other with callers telling their love stories; with the emphasis on the thrill of that first encounter. It is amazing how many happy lovers who claim that they knew the instant their eyes met that ‘this is the one for me.’ This is extraordinary in itself, and I have heard many such stories over the years. ‘Our eyes met for the first time across a crowded room (or across a bar counter in my case!) and I knew in that second, that I wanted to spend my whole life with him/her’. (All together now …Aahhhh!)
A typical story I was told was of the daughter looking out the window of the family shop, seeing a young man, a newcomer to town, standing talking to somebody on the footpath, and she said; ‘that is the man I am going to marry’ – and marry him she did.
Right, now and with the fact established that you can meet somebody for the first time and based on your first eye contact, decide that you cannot live the rest of your life without that person, there is also another fact which recently occurred to me and which I would like to share with you.
We all know about the balance of nature and that there is an opposite of everything. Newton’s Law states something like, ‘for every force of nature, there is an equal and opposite reaction.’ Hold that thought, please …
Sometimes I meet someone for the very first time; our eyes meet and I know from that very first moment that I want to spend my whole life without them! Not only do I long to spend my whole life without them … but even ten minutes is pushing it!
Well, if people can fall in love in seconds, it shouldn’t come as any great shock that someone can rub you up the wrong way during a similar timespan? I admit it here, in front of all you good people that I have locked eyes for the first time with a person and we both have taken an instant dislike to each other. I sometimes try to hide it – but I am not good at that bit!
We are not talking here about the person we meet whom we get the wrong impression of. Very often we can change from our initial opinion of another person and indeed, I have a few friends whom I wasn’t mad about the first time we met, but accepted in time that I was wrong in my assessment. This natural human interaction has nothing to do with the ‘hate at first sight’ syndrome. The strange thing is that there may be nothing much wrong with the other person. They will have friends, maybe even mutual friends and get along fine with the world, but the ‘hate at first sight’ couple are doomed to, at best, tolerate each other and live with their personality clash.
There are personality traits in people that can instantly rub us up the wrong way. Some of the worst offenders in my book are those who always have to play the devil’s advocate and feel duty bound to come up with an alternative point of view. The one who keeps interrupting, or finishing my sentence for me is facing the drop into the category that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with. You’re telling a joke, a good one, and the first of the evening and there are two of the company you won’t take along on life’s journey: one keeps guessing the punchline – right or wrong; and the other isn’t listening because he is too preoccupied with getting his joke ready to top yours!
Finally, something to remember this article by (!) the expression ‘rubbing someone the wrong way’, comes from stroking a cat. The cat likes being stroked, but not against the fur!
Don’t Forget
No two people are alike – and both of them are glad of it.
